Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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