The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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