and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
