the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize
