he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
