When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
bring money and cleavage
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
