Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
