He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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