He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize