he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
