I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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