toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
