I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
