her vagina looked like bernie madoff
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
