My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
