You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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