dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
sex in a hospital.. check
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
