I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
