I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
