is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
