So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
