Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
