I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
