the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
how does that bad decision feel?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
