She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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