Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
