fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
