Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
