I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
