i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
