The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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