Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
