Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
