There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
