i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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