i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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