seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
