How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
