Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
