I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I wish i was in the wii world.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
