wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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