why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
