and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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