why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
