4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize