according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
