omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
