is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
