hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Randomize
