those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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