no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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