she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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