He told me they were just razor bumps!
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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