honey bunches of taint.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
