This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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