i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You are a genius and a whore.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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