it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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