if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
