just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
