I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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