I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
