I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
