i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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