Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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