Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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