True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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