We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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