so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
