sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
